Ruined
by Johnny Davenport
Summary: Carlton ruined the only good thing in his life. Or at least that's what he thinks. Shawn/Carlton slash!


….

I wrote this while listening to "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon (awesome song, go listen to it!) and it made me feel kinda angsty. So this story is kinda angsty, which is unusual for me. The style is a bit....different too, but I figured it was worth a shot. So here ya go. Read, enjoy, review! :D

….

Carlton watched from the sidelines as Shawn, once again, awed the crowd around him with his 'psychicness.' He didn't scoff at the show-off as he usually did. In fact, he was giving most of his concentration towards the effort to completely ignore the younger man.

To pretending he doesn't exist.

And for one quick moment he did wish that Shawn Spencer had never come into his life. Had never started up a psychic detective agency. Had never made him fall in love. That would've been so much less painful.

But then Carlton remembered.

And the thought was banished from his mind, never to be thought again. Because really, now, after everything, he couldn't imagine his life without Shawn. Though that's what he had to do now.

Now that they had fought and Carlton had yelled those lies with more passion and volume then he had ever yelled before.

He shoved violently back from his desk and walked quickly in the direction that Shawn wasn't in. Quickly, so that no one would see that his face was red and his eyes were shining. Quickly, so that no one would see his shame. His pain.

As he sat in one of the chairs in the empty records room he remembered. God, he remembered.

_Shawn sat opposite him at their table at the high end restaurant that Shawn had gotten reservations at three months before, unbeknownst to Carlton._

_Carlton couldn't even recall what Shawn had said to set him off. All he remembered was his words and Shawn's face._

_He had stood angrily and threw his napkin down onto the table. And then. Then._

"_I'M NOT EVEN SURE I EVER LOVED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!" _

_The shock on Shawn's face. Even worse, the pain. And then the sadness. _

_Carlton, knowing what he had done, what he had ruined, stalked off before he ended up collapsing onto his knees begging for forgiveness. _

Carlton sighed as he returned to the present, putting his head into his hands and pressing his palms against his closed, water-leaking eyes.

That had been a week ago. Only one week and Carlton felt like he was falling apart. This was a thousand times worse than Victoria. At least. One week and Carlton realized that he would go to Shawn, begging on his knees if he thought it would help.

But he didn't. He didn't think anything would help. He's ruined the one good thing in his life. Even his job, which was his life for the longest time, didn't mean anything anymore.

"Has it really only been one week?" Carlton asked himself, pulling away from his slightly melodramatic thoughts.

"It seems like it's been forever hasn't it?" came a familiar voice from above him.

"Shawn!" Carlton said in surprise as he shot to his feet.

"Look, Carlton-" Shawn said.

"Wait," Carlton interrupted quickly.

Shawn pursed his lips for a moment, he didn't like this. He didn't like this at all.

When Shawn didn't respond Carlton continued.

"Before you say anything else, I just-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I do love you. So much, Shawn."

Carlton knew he didn't say it as often as he should and Shawn knew how hard it was for Carlton to trust someone enough to give his heart away.

"I know. I forgive you," Shawn said quietly.

"And I just thought that maybe if I-" Carlton paused at the amused smile on Shawn's face.

"W-what did you say?" Carlton asked, not trusting himself.

"I forgive you, Carlton," Shawn said. "And I know you love me."

Carlton's shoulders sagged in relief and tears welled in his eyes again. He had never cried so much in his life.

"I love you too, Carlton," Shawn said, for once completely serious.

"Even after I-?" Carlton couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence and his couldn't allow himself to get his hopes up.

Shawn grinned.

"Carly, I would give up pineapples for you."

Carlton smiled and he knew that he would be alright. Everything would be alright. They would be alright.


End file.
